Howsy Ya's!

Long time, no bologing ... but not to fear, brave readers, for today TT&T moves on ... moves on to more T's and T's then ya's ever known to hope for. Yep, the T is back, and if it isn't back then it's sideways or diagonal or whatever ....

Got an email recently in the spirit of "You Might Be A Redneck" of sorts, only it was about Long Islanders, and while I don't know much about rednecks, I do know plenty about Long Island. Here below I share some of the points of the email (in blue) with my responses (in black)


LONG ISLAND


You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you almost never go there.

Not true! I go there at *least* twice a year! I even carry a MetroCard (expired) to prove it!


When you're away from Long Island , you love it and when you're there, you don't.

Must be a Freudian thing ......


You think if you're not from Long Island or NYC, you're not really from New York .

Is there any other place?


You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition.


I had a pre-perception that you were gonna say that ...


You don't go to Manhattan , you go to "The City".


Isn't that the whole idea?


You never realize you have an accent till you leave.

Wot're ya tawkin abot, accent? I ain't got nose 'accent', it's YOU'SE whose gots da accent!


Everything north of the Bronx is "upstate." New Jersey sucks.

Thats the first rational thing thats been stated in this questionaire.


At some point in your life you've gone clamming.

Clams? Only on the half-shell, or pryed open and eaten raw ... then I get sick, peuk 'em all out, and go back to eat some more ...


Either your parents or your grandparents lived in the city.

Yep.


You'd pay $11.50 for a movie.

Why? When beloved Cablevision can charge $100/month to view the same crap movies only months after their release?


You don't live in Long Island . You live ON Long Island .

Semantic Gymnastics, blah blah blah ......


Your distant future might involve the state of Florida .

I'd heard that they got some nasty type grass to mow in Florida, so thick that ya need a machete to cut thru the damn stuff ...


You can correctly pronounce places like Ronkonkoma , Hauppauge, Wantagh , Mineola , Islandia, Massapequa .

Dat's EASY! Ron-kon-ko-ma, Haw-paw-g, Wan-taw, Min-e-ola, I-land-e-a, Mass-a-pee-qua. But you left off Quogue and Smithtown, two of the more difficult to pronounce towns in Long Island, not to mention Riverhead which is also a toughie to pronounce, as well as Oceanside ...... sheesh!


You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds and 36 7-11's.

It's a dirty lie! I only know the location of 22 7-11's!


You never, ever want to "change at Jamaica..."

Perish the thought!


You've tried to find the Amityville Horror house.

Been there, done that. /shrug


No, you don't want mustard on that burger!!

YIKES!


You can't understand why a diner would ever close.

What for? Did they run out of eggs and pancakes?


You've had a seagull crap on your car.

Yeah, and if I ever catch the bird that did it then I'm a gonna .....


You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR and ended up in one of these three places; Babylon , Port Washington or Hicksville .

Well, there's always Artie's Taxi if that happens ...


You went to an elementary school that promoted dodge ball as the number 1 game among children 7-13.

Funny how it never became a National Sport, ehhh?


You know White Castle is terrible for you and the food sucks but you periodically "Get the Crave".

Then regettably throw up, and come back for more the next time


You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx , but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan .

Whoh! Don't mess wit da Yankees!


You think that somehow, the Jets and Giants still play in New York .

Well, I never gave high intelligence quotient marks to football fans anyways


You've missed that "Drunk Train", the 2:42 out of Penn and had the dreaded wait until 5:30 .

That was YOU sprawled out on the floor by track 17?

You or someone you know has owned an animal that came from North Shore Animal League.

Some of the *best* pets :) I recommend North Shore Animal League wholeheartedly :)


Quick! Who's your county Executive? Don't know do you?!

Ummmmm, some Democrat, if I recall correctly .....


You've never taken an MTA bus.

What for?


The Long Island Expressway isn't really as bad as everybody thinks.

Yes it is. However, compared to the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway and Cross-Bronx Expressway, the LIE is a cakewalk .......


You don't associate Fire Island with gay men.

Huh?


You know which parts of the Godfather were filmed on Long Island .

I've taken an oath of Omerta not to say


You've paid a $10 cover charge to get in to a bar, but got nothing for it.

Yep. All the chicks rejected me, must've been the white 3-piece disco suit I was wearing at the time


You miss wiffle ball and running through sprinklers.

Ahhhh, the good ol' days :)


You think Islip MacArthur airport is cute and you enjoy watching it grow up.

Huh? Didn't know that it was still a child


Billy Joel said it best, "either you date a rich girl from The North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore ".

Done both :)


You don't really see the big deal about the Hamptons , unless you got smashed at the Bordy Barn.

Big deal, who cares.


When people ask "where are you from?" you answer Long Guy Land and automatically assume everyone in the world knows that answer means New York .

It doesn't?


You've always liked Billy Joel and you own several of his "records."

da BEST ... EVER !


The Belt Parkway sucks! You've been stuck in a traffic jam for more than 2 hours (without moving).

Another truism. Likewise its feeder vein, the Southern State Parkway, which has a traffic jam anytime day or night, 24/7


Your parents took you to All American, Nathan's or Carvel (on the way home from the beach).

Tom Carvel. May he rest in peace, a great man :)


Regular gas - $3.29 and you still pay it!!!

What'm I supposed to do, walk ?


You hate paying tolls.

To fund the MTA so that they can keep subway fares at $2, which is a bargain? While subway riders whine and scream whenever the city proposes an increase? Yep, you bet I hate bridge and tunnel tolls.


You don't have to go far to see your family.

Just upstairs.


You remember Grumman.

Long Island wouldn't be Long Island without Grumman, or Fairchild for that matter. Some great aviation work occured on Long Island in the last century, from Lindburgh's trans-Atlantic departure at Roosevelt Field (which is now a Mall), to the construction of the LEM module landing on the moon, Long Island has a rich heritage in aviation history.


You've gotten drunk on the bleachers of some high school.

No, it was prolly from smoking dope

You know the color of the water at Jones Beach is not BLUE!

However, the water is still salty


You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy's and Arby's closed for good.

Those BASTARDS! Arby's deluxe Roast Beef sandwich was the BEST! I miss Jack-In-The-Box tacos too :(


You can spout off all the LIRR stops between Penn Station and Ronkonkoma .

Hmmmmmm, lemme try: Woodside, Kew Gardens, Jamaica, Hillside yards, New Hyde Park, Mineola, Carle Place, Westbury, Hicksville, Bethpage, Farmingdale, Wyandanch, Deer Park, Brentwood, Central Islip, Ronkonkoma ....... prolly missed a few as I'm usually catching some ZZZZZ's on the train and not paying attention


Paying $35 for a haircut doesn't sound so crazy.

It's insane.


You think the people from Brooklyn are "da wunz dat tawk wit a accent."

Whadda ya mean by dat?


You went sledding in the sumps. You've partied on a golf course in the middle of the night.

Ahhh yes, the wonderful Sumps and Golf Courses :)


You knew of Massapequa before the Amy Fisher-Joey Buttafuoco nightmare.

I'm still embarrassed to even acknowledge any of that happened here


You think going to Queens is a hike.

Huh?


The first time you heard the term "Long Island Iced Tea" you were somewhere else and you laughed.

Ignorance is bliss, ehhh ? :)


When you live somewhere else and are astounded to see that people actually stop at yellow lights.

Actually I'm astounded when a NY'er stops for a RED light!


When you just sort of presume that wherever you live, you'll be able to find good delis, good pizza, and good bagels.

A dumb assumption, I know. The BEST pizza can be found at some little hole in the wall on some sidestreet where the baker is just off the boat from Italy and can't even speak English that well. You say: "Gimme a slice" and he dutifully slides one into the oven ... 3 minutes later there it is on a paper plate, a delectible masterpiece :) Can't beat NY pizza, just can't.


You can name at least three bands that came from Long Island .

I can name at least 4 ... does this disqualify me?


When you walk in the city and you see two men holding hands...it becomes normal to you.

No it doesn't


No word ends in an ER, just an AH.

Waddah yah mean?


You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Long Island

I have no friends from Long Island ... except you, of course :)

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